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Guitar Pedals That I Wish Existed


A Boss BCB-60 pedal board with the pedals described in the blog post

When it comes to getting the perfect guitar sound, there are millions of options for effects. With so many effects to choose from, you'd think every sound would have been covered but WRONG!


I am a clown, and I need my guitar to sound goofy as hell. Here are some effect pedals ideas that don't exist, but should.

Laugh Tracker

Ever feel like the crowd is laughing at your guitar playing? Well it's high time you should be able to laugh back.


This envelope filter turns your guitar playing into cartoonish laughter. Beyond the volume knob, this pedal would have a Q knob that ranges from a deep Mr. Krabs laugh to a high frequency Popeye laugh.


The speed knob adjusts the rate of the laughter ranging from low speed jokes to high speed tickling. Lastly you can adjust the breathiness of the laughter with the intensity knob which ranges from amusing to hilarious.

Hum

Maybe it's because of how SEO works, but I cannot find this pedal over all of the noise reducing pedals designed to eliminate 60 cycle hum. It's pretty simple. It would mimic the sound of a person humming.


The hum pedal has three knobs, a volume knob obviously. An attack knob that lets you control the length of the breathy transients. And a nasal knob that controls how high the voice is sung from (vocalists know what I mean).

Fart Knocker

Okay, so this is the only pedal on this list that does exist. Kind of. I have seen several pedals that produce fart sounds online.


I'm not sure how many of these fart pedals are real, but what they all have in common is that they are sound triggers rather than effects pedals that modify your guitar tone.


My idea for a fart pedal would let you control the pitch and duration of the farts with your guitar. Beyond the volume knob, my fart pedal would have a looseness knob that ranges from trumpet to shart. It would also have a vibrato knob for color.

The Dipthong

Look, I love a wah pedal as much as the next guy, but can't we get our pedals to say anything else? The dipthong pedal would allow you to transition between any two vowel sounds to get a unique articulation in your guitar.


This effect sort of exists in the form of a native FL Studio plugin called the Buzz Generator Adapter. This plugin does allow you to choose two vowels to shift between, but acts as an auto wah would, cycling on an LFO.


My idea would have two vowel knobs which control the starting and ending vowel. In addition it would have an expression pedal to allow you to control the dipthong with your foot.

Expect to Hear More Effects on My Upcoming Releases

My music was never intended to remain solo acoustic. I have always envisioned a full band playing my music, and my upcoming releases will reflect this. I will be using a combination of live and programmed instruments to deliver a fuller sonic experience for my listeners. I guess I'l have to make do without the fart pedal.

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